I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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