Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
