whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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