My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
