i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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