i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
