I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
