Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
