i barfeds in our rink
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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