My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
