my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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