Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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