College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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