After last night, I could never be a politician.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can I color on your dick again?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
