Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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