I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
