i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize