Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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