apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
