Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
