At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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