I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
