i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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