Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
MIDGETS
????
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
