I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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