New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize