You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
