You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
