Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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