Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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