In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
