In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize