Define "chronic" masturbator.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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