You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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