things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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