and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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