Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
