Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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