When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
