also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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