plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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