Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
