I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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