After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
