My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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