Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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