ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I would fuck him just for his dog
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
