He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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