so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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