alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
