Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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