just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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