whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
