we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
