She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
