There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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