When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he quoted the bible to break up with me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
