my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
