Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize