its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
