Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
