Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
