I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
