He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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