hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
