just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
