Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
