I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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