She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
