JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
