He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
