The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
