Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
