the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
